I thought I had seen the worst abuse online – then I posted about my dog ​​| Sofie Hagen

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I I thought I had suffered the worst abuse on the internet before – until I posted online about my dog, Hank. I was wondering if I should take him to the vet, after finding scary bumps on his chest.

When I had Hank, I thought I was vigorously prepared. I had done all the research, bought all the gear, hired a trainer, paid for pet insurance, and found a great vet. I intended to be the best dog owner ever. I was ready.

What I was not prepared for pressure from other dog owners to never make mistakes.

On one level, this is a good thing: I want people to have high standards for pet ownership. Animals should be treated well. However, if I constantly wanted to be made to feel like I wasn’t good enough, I would always live at home.

When Hank shit all over a hotel staircase, the stench wasn’t as bad as the looks people were giving me, looking at him like I’d kept him in my room for days, feeding him onions and chocolate, just to make him poop and ruin everyone’s visit to the breakfast buffet.

I had the same reaction when his retractable dog leash failed at the same time he spotted a squirrel and circled a couple holding hands (twice), tying them together. Viewers might have been less critical if I had simply told them that I trained him to kidnap couples. “These tracks are dangerous!” hissed a woman.

When I posted in a Facebook group, asking for advice on scary tunes, I was inundated with despicable comments. Apparently, I don’t deserve to take care of a dog – or even to be alive – if I don’t know that boys have nipples too.

Sofie Hagen is a writer and comedian

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